Too Much and Not Enough: Healing the Inner Critic from Mother Wounds
Have you ever felt like you take up too much space and yet never quite measure up?
Like you’re always “a lot” — but somehow, still not enough?
If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. And no, you’re not broken. That tug-of-war between “too much” and “not enough” is often rooted in mother wounds — the emotional injuries that come from a mother’s unavailability, criticism, or unmet emotional needs during childhood.
Understanding the Wound
When you grow up with a mother who is emotionally absent, dismissive, perfectionistic, or even subtly critical, you learn early on how to shape-shift...
To be likable…
To be helpful…
To not rock the boat.
The result? You internalize a powerful, confusing message:
“If I’m too emotional, I’m a burden. But if I’m not perfect, I’m unlovable.”
That’s how the double-bind begins — the push and pull between shrinking and striving.
What Happens When Love is Conditional
In childhood, our sense of self-worth is formed by how we are mirrored by our caregivers. If love felt like something you had to earn — by being quiet, accomplished, or accommodating — it wires your brain for self-surveillance.
You become the expert at reading the room, putting others first, or second-guessing your instincts. And slowly, you disconnect from your own wants, needs, and voice.
You may have heard:
“You’re so dramatic.”
“Why can’t you just be happy?”
“Don’t be so sensitive.”
“You always have to make things about you.”
Now those voices echo inside your own head. Loud. Unrelenting. Familiar.
The Inner Critic: Trained, Not Truthful
That inner voice telling you you’re “too much” or “not enough” isn’t your truth — it’s your training.
And the good news?
You don’t have to keep carrying that story.
Rewriting the Script
Healing from a mother wound doesn’t mean blaming your mom for everything — it means honoring your experience and giving yourself the nurture you didn’t receive.
Here’s where we start:
1. Name What Was Missing
It’s okay to acknowledge that your emotional needs weren’t met — even if you had a “good” childhood.
2. Separate Your Voice from Theirs
Practice noticing when that internal critic speaks — and ask yourself, “Is this my belief, or something I was taught to believe?”
3. Give Yourself Permission
You don’t need to shrink or prove your worth. You get to be whole, emotional, ambitious, and sensitive — all at once.
4. Seek Safe Mirrors
Healing happens in relationship. In therapy, you’re mirrored with compassion instead of criticism — and that begins to rewire everything.
You Were Never “Too Much”.
You Were Never “Not Enough”.
You were just a child trying to survive confusing emotional terrain. And now, as an adult, you get to rewrite that narrative.
You get to take up space.
You get to ask for more.
You get to choose your voice — not just the one you grew up with.
Let’s Begin Together
If this resonates, therapy can help you unpack those stories, reconnect with your self-worth, and reclaim the parts of you that learned to stay small.
At Unbridled Counseling + Wellness, we specialize in helping women like you — daughters of emotionally unavailable mothers, children of baby boomers — rediscover who they are beyond the inner critic.
You are already enough. Let’s help you believe it.